A Mix of Emotions

All I can say is that I'm SOOOO stinkin' frustrated!!  Not to mention angry, saddened, overwhelmed, anxious, and scared...

I gave Daniel a placement test this week to determine which level of math we should get for the upcoming year.  I knew he was behind.  That was one of the main reasons for taking him out of the middle school and homeschooling him.  

Because I suspected he was behind, I was a bit anxious to find out where he stood.  I was not, however, expecting to discover that he was still on a 4th to 5th grade math level!  Which means the last two years of math were pretty much a waste.

First, I have to say that Daniel is not stupid.  He is actually very smart.  Unfortunately, he is also very lazy.  He doesn't want to spend much time on figuring something out or working through a problem.  He wants an easy button!  So, part of this issue lies on his shoulders.

Second, I know many wonderful teachers and admire their dedication and love for their students.  I also know that there is no way in this lifetime I could stay in a room full of kids all day long 5 days a week (not and keep my sanity).   I have great respect and admiration for teachers who love what they do and do everything they can to help each child succeed.

So, with those things said....

I'm frustrated and angry at his teachers for not noticing or communicating his struggles to keep up, and at the public system for not providing the help teachers need to teach their students when they have to spend so much of their time trying to maintain order and discipline in the classroom.

I'm angry at myself for being so busy and tired from work and other activities that I didn't invest the time to make sure he was getting what he needed to succeed.

I'm saddened that the public school system is in such a state that teachers aren't given the freedom to really teach and see the joy of a child's face light up when they finally understand.  They no longer get to spend the time making if fun to learn.  They have to make sure they get to everything that will be on the test so the school can get high enough test scores.

I'm overwhelmed at the task before me over this next year trying to get Daniel caught up and ready for high school (whether that be at home or somewhere else).

And I'm anxious and scared at the prospect of now figuring out where to begin and how is the best way to teach him math. 

But I also take comfort in knowing the first step to take...pray and have faith that God will direct our path over the coming year.  God got me into this homeschooling thing.  I know He will get us through it.  

(Even though there are times I do still wonder...what in the heck was He thinkin'?!)

Living thru faith,

Misty